Let me hold you and forget
by JenLin
Summary: Being immortal means being alone, but every now and then, it is possible to meet someone to share the path with for a little while, and make it all easier to bear.


_This one's based on a heart-breakingly beautiful song in an obscure, tiny Northern European language, but so that you can get the idea, I've added the free translation of a few lines. _

_I hope you like this, and please let me know if you do, it's always such a motivation booster! And of course I don't own the characters etc._

_When you wander alone in the night / you can sometimes find your soulmate / and for a little while, the path is easier to walk together._

_Not the distance, nor the years / nothing will ever separate us / if I can only hold you for a little while, and forget._

* * *

**Let me hold you and forget**

Jack had been on Earth for a long time. He had seen wars and crises, natural catastrophes and political conflicts. He had seen love and hate, pleasure and pain, life and death. He had met people and told them goodbye, lost friends and lovers and found new ones. He had experienced several lifetimes, and all the good things living that long could bring.

But at the end of the day, living forever was a lonely business.

There was a time he had spent in the company of someone similarly situated as himself, but their companionship had been short lived. The other man had a very specific mission, one which he wouldn't stray from under any circumstances. Jack had spent a few months with the man; a very short while by his standards, and a time period of no significance at all to the other man, who had been guarding his treasure for centuries longer than he could even remember. Jack had found a temporary relief in knowing that he wasn't the only one with this burden, but it turned out the other man's situation was quite different: he had made his choice. Jack, who had never been granted one, found the other man's submissiveness to his fate irritating, seeing as he would do almost anything to alter his own state of immortality.

So apart from those few months in the company of another immortal, Jack was on his own. Every now and then he would find consolation in the arms of someone, usually anyone who happened to be there at the right moment. He had had very few serious relationships during his many years – so few that, even among those who knew of his long and adventurous life, Jack had a reputation of being a man who "didn't do" commitment. They were wrong. Jack had no problems with commitment if the right person were to present themselves. That hadn't happened very often, however, and without maybe realising it, Jack had buried his soul so deep into Torchwood 3 that he had almost _become_ Torchwood, which made finding a partner fall quite low on his list of priorities. And this was quite alright with Jack, if he ever acknowledged his semi-unconscious attempt at distancing himself from the merest possibility of falling in love – he was no stranger to pain, physical or emotional, but he knew that heartbreak took much longer to heal than his immortal body, and it was not something he would put himself through by choice. Because it always came, in the end. No matter what he did, one thing was as sure for Jack Harkness as death and taxes were for other people: whenever he made an emotional commitment, it would end in heartbreak, and he would always be the suffering party.

Sometimes, however, something happened. He didn't know if it was chance, or some higher power, or the planets aligning, but _something happened_, and he would find a person worth committing to. Maybe once in a century, someone special would turn up in his life quite uninvited; someone who took his breath away by their mere presence; someone who could make his world spin by a single look; someone he would gladly die for over and over again, as long as he could always come back and see them smile again.

This _someone_ – not the first one, but no less special because of it – turned up shortly after the fall of Torchwood 1. Jack hadn't known it straight away, hadn't had any idea of just how special this young man trying to bribe him with coffee and dinosaurs would turn out to be, but he was insistent, and eventually Jack noticed. The beginning of their relationship was far from smooth, but after several minor problems and a couple of catastrophes it became quite clear to Jack that he was heading somewhere else with this young man than he had originally intended. Then, he realised several things during his long absence, and when he came back, he was determined to make things right. And so the "thing" that was going on between the Captain and the Tea Boy became something serious, something real.

It wasn't always easy. Jack's young lover felt it more acutely than most whenever Jack died, although he knew very well that it wasn't permanent. And although Jack could never push away the nagging feeling of being on a deadline completely, holding the other man in his arms helped him momentarily forget all the sadness and the pain he had seen so much of. It wasn't always easy, but they made it work anyway. There were complications, both external and internal, and some days the whole world – the whole universe, even – seemed to be against them, but somehow they always pulled through. Jack had found someone worth committing to, and so he did.

Of course, it had to end. No one knew that better than Jack himself, who had seen the same ending so many times it had begun to feel like watching old re-runs. His heart was broken, and for a long time afterwards, he wandered alone like a ghost, trying anything he could think of in order to subdue the pain just a little bit. But he never regretted it. He had walked alone for so long, but in Ianto Jones he had found someone special, and for a little while, he hadn't been alone. Briefly, he had shared the path with an amazing young man, and although it sometimes felt like mere moments, and sometimes like forever, Jack knew that the time he'd had with Ianto would carry him through the years, helping him live with his broken heart.

It was all worth it, because now he knew that there had once been a man named Ianto Jones, and Jack had loved him.


End file.
